Places That Help You Through the Memorial Service Process

Memorial Service Help 101

Burial Site Northwest

“We’ve all been there before”, a statement that cannot really be made when it comes to burying your dead relative or friend. Especially when talking about who is actually involved in the decision making process behind laying a loved one into the ground. Many people do not have to involve themselves in funeral or memorial service planning, at worst they just have to attend and at best they send a card and their condolences.

That is why I felt it was a good idea to write this article about places that will help you with the planning and execution of a funeral service at a funeral home or church. Not many people cover it but it need to be talked about so that there are more resources out there for the family members who do not know where to turn when their family member has died. I wish that I had had a resource like this when my Grandmother died, though I wasn’t as involved in the planning (that was left up to my parents). I suppose I just wanted someone to talk to at the time, and I am going to cover that here as well.

Funeral Homes

There are many great funeral homes in the United States that are instrumental in helping to plan the service and event that will accompany burying your deceased relative. The homes that are worth their weight in gold are the ones that take the extra time to check in with you and see how you are getting on through the process, and if you need any other help emotionally and mentally beyond picking the flowers, music, and procession arrangement. A good funeral service director know that its more than just who is going to speak (and who won’t be speaking because the parties weren’t speaking BEFORE the death either), they know that it is about making sure you feel you’ve done your best for the person in their last moment of notoriety on Earth.

My parents utilized a service called Funeral Home Finder when my grandmother passed away, a place they found on the internet that had sourced great funeral homes in major cities around the U.S. I think it worked out well because we liked the funeral home that we dealt with. They had a great reputation, they took care of us, and they helped put on a service and event that was befitting of the kind of woman my grandmother was. I am not sure which information is on their Facebook and which is on their Google Plus account, so here is the link to that: https://plus.google.com/114698373849266772355

Whatever you do, pick the best place when it comes to putting on funerals, its not a category you want to skimp on.

THERAPIST

Grief therapy is real and sometimes very necessary, when you have lost a loved one. There are specialists in the field of psychotherapy who cover nothing but this type of therapy in their practice. Many people think that getting over a loved one is just something that happens with time. And true, it does dissipate the more distance comes in between the event and time, but if you have unfinished business, unspoken words, or there was tension and anger between you and the deceased before their time on Earth was done; you may have a wound that cannot heal without patience and expression.

I did not have this with my grandmother, but my mother definitely did. She felt there were many unsaid things between them, and that when my grandmother died she still felt that she wasn’t proud of who my mother had become. That is a very terrible feeling to have when you can no longer do anything about it. So the only thing you CAN do is vent and get these feelings and emotions out of your body so that they don’t fester. Time may heal all wounds but not if that wound is constantly being opened up by remembering or acknowledging unspoken grievances between you and a dead family member or friend.

It can also help to see someone even for a short period of time to try and make sense of life and death. It is not easy to comprehend why we come and go and what happens to us once we do, so having someone who can openly discuss it with you that will not be upset by the need to have said discussion, is very valuable.

 

Those are the two things I believe must be found in order to get past a loss in your life, if you are going to move on and reframe your mind.

Grieving Over a Loved One

What to do when a loved one passes away

I lost my grandmother back in 2004, I was in college at the time and had to hear about it over the phone from my dad. My mother was too beside herself to speak to me about it. Grandma had been battling an aggressive brain tumor that had come back after a few years reprieve post-chemo. Unfortunately due to the nature of the cancer and the chemo, it caused conversations with her to be rather all over the place and hard to follow. It was as though she had dementia due to the effect the tumor was having on her brain.

This was the first death I experienced in my life, other than our family dog who also passed away that year while I was away learning. My mother had to deal with both of these deaths predominantly on her own and she did not take it very well. I remember bouts of sobbing and trying to make sense of it with her when I would come home to visit for a weekend. I didn’t know what to make of it myself most of the time, I just knew that I wouldn’t be seeing my grandmother anymore and that that was a weird thought to have.

I suppose it’s a bit lucky that growing up, my family lived away from my grandparents, usually on one side of the country or the other while they lived smack dab in the middle. This made it so that yearly or sometimes twice yearly visits were all that were possible. Still, my grandmother was very much a part of my life and when I was at the funeral service, I remember breaking down and trying to hold it together while people gave readings in her honor. I remember seeing all of these people that had known her, some most of her life, and thinking “wow, my grandmother knew so many people and had so many friends”. I truly had no idea because you rarely think of your family members as anything but their titles, and as a kid you mostly assume they are just sitting by the phone waiting for you to entertain them or drop by. Not that they are functioning adult people who have lives outside of yours. I’ve been a little consumed by the notion of the more friends you have, the more people who will show up for your funeral. I sometimes think about A Christmas Carol and how no one wanted to show up for Ebenezer Scrooge’s funeral service, unless they were perhaps paid and fed. That would be awful I think, and so one of my life’s goals it to ensure I am missed!

Back to Grandma though, I recently visited her gravesite, nearly 12 years after watching the casket lowered into the ground and throwing my own clump of moist earth over the wood veneer, crying softly as I did so; I saw the space in the grass next to her as I stood beside the man who would go there. My grandfather, who recently has had his own health issues and may be there with her sooner than later. It was an odd experience I think, to know that someone you love is gone and yet a part of them exists right here with us; as you stand next to a person who may not be for this world much longer and is seeing their own grave site.

I am many years away from this scenario but I can only imagine it will be bizarre when I get there.

My grandmother's funeral

Women who have experienced funerals and lost loved ones